Nojma Muhammad: An Open Letter of Apology To Black Men In Hopes of Reconciliation

November 28, 2011 By Kirsten West Savali 50 Comments

This article was originally published on ThyBlackMan.com

Dear Black Man,

I have become a woman that you no longer recognize. I have allowed our enemy to impregnate me with his ideas and thoughts. I have allowed an illusion of independence to keep us separated.

I have fooled myself into believing that my degrees place me degrees above you.

I humbly come to you asking forgiveness. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not supporting you. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not truly loving you. I was taught to hate myself, then hate you. My desire to reproduce you was killed by our enemy.

I apologize for teaching my daughters that you will fail them, and continuing the cycle of an illusion of independence with them.

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Filed Under: black children, black love and relationships, black men, Black Women, Commentary, Featured, Lifestyle, Your Black World Tagged With: black love, black relationships, letter of apology to the Black Man, Nojma Muhammad, Your Black World relationships

BlackBeauty

Here is more crap that is unnecessary and foolish!

Please stop this horse & buggy old dog and pony show!

No other race of woman has to “write an apology” to their men!

We have nothing to apologize for!

Black women have stood by black men since we got off the boat!

We have protected them in all the ways a woman can protect her man. We have been insulted, raped, beaten, humiliated, disrespected, and degraded.

We have kept the home going, put food on the table when there was nothing, worked our fingers to the bone cleaning up after others. Saw that our children were clean and educated.

We got tired!

We woke up!

We educated ourselves. We wanted something better! We made the sacrifices to do better!

We never left the black man, the black man in many cases left us!

Black women do not buy into this!

You have absolutely nothing to apologize for~

Can you use your space to educate our people on what they should be doing to be more productive, instead of this foolishness?

Gwendolynscleaningservice

Exactly what post said is all I see in your reply! You are guilty of everything stated above!my sisters don’t buy into her post she is obviously a BBW!
Hernado

Sister BlackBeauty, as a young black man I agree with many of the things you wrote. Especially the part where the black man has left you in many cases and that black women have always worked hard for the black family. I personally am very grateful and I greatly respect you (the black woman) for that.

However, with all due respect I don’t agree with the statement ‘black women have nothing to apologize for”.

I believe that black men and black women should “forgive” each other for our so-called ‘shortcomings’ or wrongdoings if we want to truly HEAL from the things our people have been trough.

I say this because I know many black men in the Netherlands we’re I live that feel resentment towards black women for their own particular reasons. Those guys prefer to date/mate out of their race due to the fact that they don’t appreciate or respect black women.

On the other hand also, I know some black women that feel resentment towards black men in general for their own reasons.

Neither of the above really try to make amends, as a result the resentment and hate remains.

I believe that as black men we truly need to apologize to the black women for our wrongdoins and neglect. I would definitely support that!

The same thing counts for the black women to the black men in my opinion, even though I agree with you that the black women has sustained the black man more, than the black man sustained the black women in general.

We need to eleminate any form of resentment/hate for each other and continously work on supporting and loving on another in order to grow as a people.

Have a blessed week!
Anonymous

It would be advisable to you to not use the same brush to paint all Black Men or Women with. Experiences vary in all shapes and sizes, colors and formats. The simple fact that YOU may not have anything to apologize for, does not exonerate actions that have disintegrated relationships between Black Men and Women that have been initiated by the woman.

I am not here to argue with you because as a Black Man, my goal is to uplift my community which includes Black Women. Your perspective is likely that of someone who has had many experiences that has left her hardened to any kind of reconciliation. How about we talk about the “women” who decided to allow certain males into her life to wreak havoc only to have the ones who attempt to make things better pay for her bad choices. The cycle continues with this perspective being spread to other females and daughters who repeat the same mistakes that mother made even though it could’ve stopped with accountability taken into consideration.

I absolutely adore my Black Queens and wouldn’t have it any other way. It is very disheartening to hear you spread the very same message being spread by mass media that continues to widen the chasm between Black Men and Women. If you want Black males to do better, to be better, then you’d have to appreciate the ones who are doing so or else they’ll just find motivation to continue doing the same things you complain about.

“We never left the black man, the black man in many cases left us”
This is where your information is lost… over 90% of the Black males who are “educated” have married and remain married to Black women. Actually your statement “We got tired. We woke up.” implies that you did leave or at the very least leave the thought of Black unity. I could sit here and dissect your entire post, but it would be a useless attempt at educating the unaware and uneducated.

I repeat again… using the same brush for all of Black Men and Women is foolish, and an attempt at bridging the widening gap between Black Men and Women while not common, it would be worthwhile of an effort. With a name such as BlackBeauty, your perspective actually is quite ugly.

BlackBeauty

How insincere can you be!

I was raised by strong, productive black men. I had my father, grandfathers, brothers and uncles to love me, protect me, encourage me, teach me. Their love, and guidance is why I chose a wonderful man to marry and have my children with. I know exactly what a good black man is because I had excellent examples all around me!

When I say “we” I did not mean me in particular. I meant black women in a general sense.

Unfortunately not all black women have had the honor of knowing what good black men are all about.

You sound like a narrow minded, limited person who perhaps need to “apologize” to the black woman!

Black women have always had your back and they have your back now!

I am fully aware of the stats on the percentage of black men who marry or are with black women. The majority of black men are with black women.

When I write that black men left the black women I did not mean by them turning to “other” women, I meant that far too many black men did not take their place (the proof that is all around us), and it was their choice to step up and be a man, father, husband, or run away from their responsibilities and act a fool.

As a people, and if we are to be a productive people as a whole, we need black men to stop blaming everything negative about them on others, and take responsibility for themselves, their families, and their communities!

Unfortunate that you had to stoop to name calling simply because my post did not agree with your point of view. You appear to have taken it quite personally.

I will write it again; black women have nothing to apologize to black men about! Black women (for the most part) have always held the family together in the past, and they are still doing it today!

Anonymous

First of all, I would like to state that there was no name calling in my post whatsoever. If you read carefully, my statement said nothing about you, but your perspective.

Concerning your clarification on the reasons for your perspective, it is understandable why you see your viewpoint as is and there are quite a few that do need to apologize for what they have done and continue to do. My question to you is though, when is it time for the Black Woman to take accountability for the “men” she chooses or the message she decides to perpetuate? Yes, Men do and have mistreated women for numerous ages, however in several cases, there has been a lack of education from either mother or father about the Men and thereby influence she chooses to ALLOW into her life. I am not here to accuse, belittle, demean nor exonerate any person’s mistakes, I AM here to find out what is wrong with someone who feels that there is something they can contribute to closing the chasm between Black Men and Women.

There have been many cases of Men holding the family together just as Women have and continue to do. Do they outnumber women? No and probably never will, but the fact that there are is fact enough to refrain from all encompassing statements that imply all Black men or all Black women need to do anything other than to open dialogue and reconciliation between both. Not all Black Men “run away from their responsibilities and act a fool” and it is interesting how you still incorporate the title of Man to the males who have contributed to this self perpetuating cycle of familial destruction when if it was a man then there wouldn’t be a question of “duties” or responsibility.

Regarding your assumption that I have to apologize for mistreating Black Women, I would like to clarify that each and every woman that I have had the honor of getting to know, in both intellectual and intimately, I have cherished in more ways than one. Not that I have to explain myself or my history with women to you, it is important to me to continue to speak with and keep communication lines open with the Queens I hope to be the King they deserve.

As far as my “narrow minded, limited person” perspective, I consider myself very open to whatever it takes to take care of the responsibilities that I may one day create and the ones that I must take care of currently. I do wish the best for you and your family regardless of our disagreements because in the end, I would rather end the bickering than continue.
Samdromeda

Have we overcome Willy Lynch yet???

BlackBeauty

Posting this again~

“Also, please stop with the Willie Lynch faire tale! How many more decades will we continue to give this fictitious white man this type of recognition? Please do your research, and consider not to continue passing on this tale to our children. “
Imminentearth

Wilie Lynch is an overused scapegoat.

ShaDanDus

you are so right……they need to stop BLAMing other for their down fault and step up to the plate……some even go are far to blame it on slavery…lol lol lol …slavery;s been over a long time ago….

This is an excuse, a cop out…..

For them to be the leaders of the world with their talent, sexiness and their thinking abilities….all is being wasted……all is being wasted on what society has presented to them…..and they took the hook and have been caught in it since…

DON’T BLAME BW for your down fault…your down fault is trying to be IN THE “WORLD” and trying to live and do things un-godly like non-black men do and it effects BM the most…..

DON’T BLAME BW FOR YOUR SELF DESTRUCTION

ShaDanDus

Well said….Every time I meet a BM…he always got a chip on his shoulders, being rudely interrogating, belittlering and disrespectful….always talking down to somebody.

Then after all we do for them, and sacrifice and go with out….they kicks us to the curve and marry anybody other than a BW……give them a peaceful life…without drama

then call us Gold digger…..fat, lazy etc…..how dare they say this

Then they end up getting a non-black woman that is FAT, LAZY, uneducated, Gold digger who take them for all they have and even spoil their career….because the LAW IS ON HER SIDE….no matter if she is wrong…………

WE OWE YOU NO APOLOGIES …we owe you a BEAT DOWN!

SG

ITA Black Beauty!!!!!

Walter Simmons

We have a very diverse world as should be and everyone is entitled to their opinion. No body can speak for anyone else unless that person gives the OK. Painting the Black Male or Black Female with the same brush is going a bit too far. Dialog or sharing information is good and it allows us to learn from each other. Peace

David2001

@Walter Simmons, You make a lot of sense but unfortunately common sense on this issue doesn’t sell. There’s a cottage industry of books, magazines, TV shows, plays, movies AND blogs geared to black women who want to feel superior to and a victim of black men at the same time. Over the years this brand of feminism has been just as destructive on black America as the worst form misogyny in rap and hip hop has on a lot of young black males and females.

IMO this so called apology is intended to cause even more dissent among black men and women. The only intent of posting this idiotic apology is to bring more traffic to blogs like this and have black men and women at each others throats. Sit back and watch the amount of comments on this so call apology explode.

Anonymous

I must agree with you on this one Mr. David2001.
Traffic is increased and then you have many who will counter her apology and increase the strife and by proxy the chasm between Black Men and Women. Discussion and therefore relation between Black Men and Women would be the ideal goal of the situation, however I see that many women and males wouldn’t see this as the case.

Samdromeda

There is the principle of experiential entitlement. If we can reveal how we came by or scars we can explain to the next generation how we survived and thrived beyond them.
Otherwise we enter chaos within a few generations and implode from within from bitterness. When a trial enters our life if we do not learn from it we will go back through the trial. It is part of building character and strength within each generation. It is good to forgive and proceed with wisdom and a clear conscious. Otherwise we will rage against the wind.
Anonymous

You refer to them as women and males. Women are treated like human beings, males are treated like they belong on the discovery channel. Are we not men? Can you see how dehumanizing such a simple thing can be? I am a man, not a “male”. Use male to describe animals.
Anonymous

I do not believe you read my post correctly, the post that you read contained no reference to Men as males, however in the past I know I have made a distinction between the two being that Men are the ones that take care of their business (family, bills and otherwise) and males are the ones that behave as if they do belong on the discovery channel. Now I have not said that there are males entirely in the Black community because males exist and continue to perpetuate the destructive cycle in all races and nationalities, however it is only in the Black community that the entirety of the Black Male community receives blame for the actions of a few.
MahoganyLove

Greeting Prince Peoples425,

I came across an article on HelloBeautiful on the topic of men marrying sluts. As I started to read your comments on the ill subject, I instantly became intrigued and inspired by your words of wisdom, knowledge, intellect and most importantly, the Love and adoration you have for your people, especially for the mothers and gods of this planet. I can feel your passion and will to unite the black man and black woman through reconciliation.

The main goal of our enslavement was NOT physical labor, it was indeed constructed to keep us mentally impaired and brainwashed. They stole everything from us BUT one thing they could not take from us is our rich and divine spirit and soul. If my black people would just turn off their televisions, radios and laptops and READ, READ, READ and STUDY, STUDY, STUDY about our wonderful and inspiring history, maybe we would “know thyself”.

We are in a war, period. We are the mighty, wise, Loving, powerful, rich people of the universe. Once we come into that knowledge then we can begin the healing and reconciliation process. We are dis-eased, lost and imbalance but there is always HOPE!

As a 30 year old black woman, I’ve been hurt very badly by black men but I also understand that they are hurting and struggling as well. I know it’s hard being a black man in this society and who is the ONLY other being who can understand and comfort them? Black women.

I would like to put together a panel discussion that consists of black men and black women so that we engage in a healthy, honest and open dialogue to address and resolve OUR issues because no one else can do it. This injustice is not of our doing but we have the power to end it the way we wish. If you or anyone else is interested, pleses reply directly to this post and we can take it from there.

The Queens of this planet absolutely Love the bold and beautiful Kings of this planet!

Peace Peoples425 and to anyone else who reads this post.
Anonymous

I seek little, if any, recognition for my words or wisdom I may impart upon others, but rather for them to know themselves and admit to their parts in perpetuating the destructive cycle that our enemies have set in motion.

I am very sorry to hear about your hurt, however it is not uncommon to hear that very same story as I have been hurt badly by Black Women and females, it has been by experience that I have been able to tell the difference. By love, family and faith I have been able to maintain my motivation to continue to love my Queens because there is no other on this planet that would be able to understand me.

I would like to help facilitate the same open dialogue and discussion with those that would be open enough to hear it, however as illustrated by several of the comments posted on this article, I think it would be hard to get some women to be open enough to listen.

Peace Sister MahoganyLove.
MahoganyLove

I respect your humbleness. I’m sorry as well for the hurt you’ve had to experience. If you don’t mind me asking, what is the difference between a Black Woman and a black female from your perspective?

I must honestly admit that I’ve entertained the thought of dating outside of my race due to the continuous disappointment of my Black Kings. I felt that if I completely removed myself from the brothers and loved a man from another race, I would be much happier and Loved. Thankfully, I finally came into and gained an understanding of who and what is behind this trickerous propaganda. I wish that our people would start exercise a little critical thinking.

I appreciate your want to help. Yes, I’ve been reading the comments from my sisters on this thread as well as others. I’m quite shocked to hear what some of my sisters have to say about the brothers but I can definitely understand and indentify with their frustration and anger. I have friends, associates and acquaintances that are sisters and I know for sure that they would be open to listen and engage in a healthy (well maybe not healthy but…lol) dialogue with some brothers. If you don’t mind saying, where are you geographically located?

Peace brother
Anonymous

Honestly speaking sister, I am over the hurt and while I know the trials and tribulations that are associated with loving Black Women, I would have it no other way. The difference between Black Women versus Black females would be comparable to your definition of Black Kings versus Black Males. Basically an unaware, unintelligent, close minded and immature, self-assured, insecure version of a Black Woman.

You are not alone in your thought process and I can understand your frustrations. I can honestly say that while I am not an advocate of interracial relationships, I do believe that Love (true unconditional love) comes in all colors, shapes and sizes. I am personally offended by some of the actions by my fellow brothers (That term is used loosely here as not all Black people are my friend just as not all white people are not my enemies). The problem I see here is cyclical and no one is brave enough, intelligent or mature enough to break that never-ending perpetuation that was started years ago.

While I bear no ill will toward my sisters that have verbalized and materialized their concerns and issues, I find that some of their complaints are often results of their own poor choices and/or mindsets. Not to mention some of the trolls that remain on this board for the simple purpose of starting divisive arguments. I see no goal in dividing my community and see only good things by rectifying the situation between us as there are no other communities that have such a public spectacle of the discord between them. As far as my geographical location, I am in the midwest, Chicago, more specifically.

Peace Sister.
MahoganyLove

I’m glad that you have healed from your past hurt and pain. It is necessary for everyone to experience pain in order to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I agree with your explanation of the difference between a black woman and a black female and the same applies to black men versus black males.
The black community is facing and also demonstrating major destructive mindsets that have manifested through destructive and demeaning behavioral patterns. As unfortunate this harsh reality is, I can’t help but to look at the bigger picture. For example, when a young child acts out, throws temper-tantrums and is unruly, this is the child’s way of demanding attention, love and care that he/she needs., especially from a parent. The young children of our community are lacking guidance and love and this is why they carry on the way that they do and in my personal opinion their ill behavior derives from the unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship between that child’s mother and father. This is why it’s so very important for black men and black women to unite and make amends with one another but if we miss the mark and fail to do so, the children are going to suffer the most. Black mothers need to stop going around saying that they don’t need their child’s father around because that child indeed does need their father around, or at least a positive father figure or male role model. Women have the responsibility and power to decide who is going to father her child, unless under the unfortunate circumstance a woman is sexually taken advantage of or raped. This point ties into what you mentioned about women’s poor and unintelligent selection process for choosing a mate. For any sisters, (or any other woman) who reads this comment, you are the only one who determines how a brother treats you and the same goes for the brothers as well. We need to heal personally before we can heal collectively. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve done my share of black male bashing and talking to them in a disrespectful manner but I’ve grown and matured and now see the errors of my ways. I’ve become very sensitive to how I communicate and interact with black men and the results and feedback have been surprisingly positive. If you want change, it always starts with self. It’s time for the black community to start looking at the man in the mirror because we are dying in massive numbers and I’m not talking about physical death.
Chicago? Cool. I’m located in the Washington, DC area. I’m actually planning on taking a little trip to Chicago but it won’t be until the summer months.
Peace Brother.
MahoganyLove

I’m glad that you have healed from your past hurt and pain. It is necessary for everyone to experience pain in order to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I agree with your explanation of the difference between a black woman and a black female and the same applies to black men versus black males.
The black community is facing and also demonstrating major destructive mindsets that have manifested through destructive and demeaning behavioral patterns. As unfortunate this harsh reality is, I can’t help but to look at the bigger picture. For example, when a young child acts out, throws temper-tantrums and is unruly, this is the child’s way of demanding attention, love and care that he/she needs., especially from a parent. The young children of our community are lacking guidance and love and this is why they carry on the way that they do and in my personal opinion their ill behavior derives from the unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship between that child’s mother and father. This is why it’s so very important for black men and black women to unite and make amends with one another but if we miss the mark and fail to do so, the children are going to suffer the most. Black mothers need to stop going around saying that they don’t need their child’s father around because that child indeed does need their father around, or at least a positive father figure or male role model. Women have the responsibility and power to decide who is going to father her child, unless under the unfortunate circumstance a woman is sexually taken advantage of or raped. This point ties into what you mentioned about women’s poor and unintelligent selection process for choosing a mate. For any sisters, (or any other woman) who reads this comment, you are the only one who determines how a brother treats you and the same goes for the brothers as well. We need to heal personally before we can heal collectively. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve done my share of black male bashing and talking to them in a disrespectful manner but I’ve grown and matured and now see the errors of my ways. I’ve become very sensitive to how I communicate and interact with black men and the results and feedback have been surprisingly positive. If you want change, it always starts with self. It’s time for the black community to start looking at the man in the mirror because we are dying in massive numbers and I’m not talking about physical death.
Chicago? Cool. I’m located in the Washington, DC area. I’m actually planning on taking a little trip to Chicago but it won’t be until the summer months.
Peace Brother.

Jeffeycarlhart

“Your enemy”?!? Is this a declaration of War?
http://www.mosquitonet.com/~prewett/ John Prewett

“My desire to reproduce you was killed by our enemy……”

Please specify who your “enemy” is.

MSM ?

Gangsta rapper type entertainment ?

All white people ?

Just curious.
stopthstupidity

I cannot agree with what is being said in the article. I still see more black women trying to hold up the homes, kids, bills, as well as jobs and career. Everyone has their own experience and we see things differently but I don’t see the need for an apology. I do see the need for black men and women to respect and support each other in their respective relationships.
Anonymous

All this “enemy” talk only proves that you don’t see any reason to accept your own role in all of this. How is an external “enemy” limiting the way you hold on to a relationship? Time to make your own bed sister. Treating men like crap, which seems to be the matra for ALL races of women in America, is fashionable these days. Your degrees only mean I won’t have to work like a dog and might even get to help raise the children. I say go for it sister, BE a partner in the family instead of acting like you own the family.
grod

This APOLOGY should have been written to BLACK WOMEN who have STOOD behind BLACK MEN FOR YEARS when they couldn’t find jobs to feed the family. Black men blame their women when things go wrong…BLACK WOMEN HAVE BECOME THE SCAPEGOATS. Now they have a new mission..MARRYING WHITE WOMEN. They can no longer RELATE to black women ALL THOUGH they were brought up by a BLACK MOTHER..BLACK SISTERS, BLACK AUNTS.

“MOST” BLACK men have always been SELFISH. LOOKING OUT FOR THEMSELVES.

MISS NOHMA MUHAMMAD SHOULD BE ASHAME OF HERSELF FOR WRITTING SUCH NONSENSE!!!!!

Anonymous

There is an apology to Black Women, however considering your perspective, I doubt you’d accept in any case.
Regardless, let’s set the facts straight, over 90% of heterosexual Black Men still marry and remain with Black Women.
The ones that don’t have their own reasons that vary just as Black women have their reasons at one point or another, however it is counterproductive to list at this point and I would rather concentrate on bridging the gap than widening it.
I know that in my experience alone, I have seen and heard more women talk about how “black men ain’t shit” than actually speaking about the men who actually have attempted to do something positive for them (I say attempt because if they actually completed it then she wouldn’t likely be complaining).
Instead of criticizing the attempts at working to close the chasm, why not keep it to yourself or better yet do so yourself.

Anonymous

Interesting math. If 90% of black men are marrying, how is it that over 60% of our black babies are born to unwed parents?

Anonymous

Marriage has little if anything to do with reproductive activities of those who have little to any guidance in the matters of creating life so therefore the statistics are thereby unrelated.
Clarifying further, 90% of educated, heterosexual Black Men which are going to remain less than the number of educated heterosexual Black Women only in the sense that there are more women than there are men (that’s just a known fact for all races). For those who continue to ask this question, the better perspective would likely come from those who are willing to ask, who are these children having children with and why are we not doing anything about it? You cannot expect many Men to stay Men if the women they seek are consistently seeking and attracted to boys.

Anonymous

I am truly tired of the lack of accountability of the “women” who complain about the “men” who mistreat them yet they continue to allow it even though there have been some MEN who have wanted to treat them well. This situation is reversed just as easily, however my point in this situation is that there is accountability and susceptibility that we must take responsibility for in denying the very people we have descended from.

This letter was not written by me, however echoes some of my feelings and I hope will likely lead to some reconciliation and open dialogue between Black Men and Women as it would be ideal to do so.

A OPEN LETTER TO MY NUBIAN SISTA’S
I love you and I need you. I’m writing you because I have problems, and I can
see no way of correcting them without your cooperation. Unfortunately, you’ve
been forced to carry more than your share of our burden. That’s not your fault
it’s mine. You see, you haven’t fully understood my problems because I have not
fully explained them. In order for us to successfully share the burden, we must
understand our horrible past and see how that past has shaped our present. Only
then can we build a thriving future.
Chains around my neck, whips to my back, I lost my name, language, religion,
and you. I watched helplessly as you were sold away from me and raped
repeatedly. My inability to save you from the beast was a constant reminder of
my mental and emotional castration. I couldn’t look you in your eye. I prayed
you were pregnant with my child and when you weren’t. I committed the worse
offense known to man. I hated myself and then I hated you. The beast knew that
the greatest threat to slavery was the black man-turning most of us into
whimpering, trembling, Uncle Toms, steppin’ fetchits, enuchs.
A treacherous plan is being executed on black men and is the reason why so many
of us are involved in the penal system, on drugs or alcohol, homeless, or just
plain trifling, According to “Mis-education of the Negro” written by Dr. Carter
G. Woodson, the father of black history, “The problem with holding the negro
down is easily solved. When you control a man’s thinking you do not have to worry
about his actions…you do not have to send him to the back, he will go without
being told.”
Lincoln legislated the removal of the physical chains, but not the mental ones.
If he wanted to rectify the psychological damage, he couldn’t; that’s something
we have to do for ourselves. True freedom is never given, it can only be taken.
It’s my estimate that 40 percent of us are either unaware or under aware of the
existance of the “Mental Chains”, while another 20 percent have knowledge of
the “Mental Chains”, but have simply given up the fight for their manhood.
These “Mental Chains” manifest themselves as drug abuse, criminal activity,
womanizing, wife beating, coach potatoes, riots, feelings of inferiority, low
ambitions and a lack of desire for knowledge of our history.
Beautiful Nubian Sista’s, you are in a tough predicament because when it comes
to finding and understanding the black man with character and backbone, the
odds appear to be against you. To get what you want, you must become an
excellent judge of character and potential. Yes, we’ve made mistakes and bad
choices, but many of us are righting the mistakes of yesterday and overcoming
the adversity of today.
My advice to you is to please judge us by our spirits, not by where we are, but
by where we are going. Get in touch with our spirits, and let’s commit to each
other.
When each of us are committed to the advancement of our people, then we have
another thread that will help bind us through the rough spots-a thread that
will help us help each other to grow and flourish despite the odds. My Nubian
Sista, when I ask you to be my woman, I want you to be my spiritual partner,
the mother of my children and my lover. I need you to help me become the man I
envision being and vice versa. We can make it through compromise, love and
sense of humor!
The resurrection of the black man means prosperity for black people in America.
I was created to love, protect, and cherish you and our daughters. It is my
duty to guide and direct our sons. Therefore, the onus is upon black men to
help young black men and each other. We must heal each other and teach our
sons, daughters, nephews, nieces, cousins, and neighbors’ children of our
glorious African History. We must teach them of the power GOD has given them
and unlimited possibilities the world offers them. Contrary to popular belief,
we don’t need anymore leaders. We need each other.
My Nubian Sista’s, I love you, but sometimes I don’t know how to love you, I’m
just learning how to love myself. Come with me, trust me, fall in love with me
AGAIN, and together we will rebuild our black families.

Love,
Your Nubian Brother

MahoganyLove

Brother, this letter was wonderfully and beautifully written and I do accept your apology. I’m just going back and reading some of the comments in response to the article/letter. It’s wonderful that some of us, although not many, are on the same page about the most important issues that plagues our community, in my opinion. It is a fact that the black family has become divided and warped. I apologize if I’m boring you with my comments regarding this topic but it’s a topic that I feel very strongly about. It’s just sometimes I feel so helpless and hopeless but I am a natural born fighter and survivor, so I will press on! I’m trying my best to lead by example for my sister friends but it’s extremely difficult when their mindset is not operating on a conscious level.
My heart was very much saddened today when a friend of mine who happens to be a black man, said that he thinks the young black boys and girls who act out in public are animals. He even had the audacity to say that they should be put into slavery, can you believe that? Being the protective and caring woman that I am, I defended our children by saying that they are misguided, angry and unloved. This is why it’s imperative for mature black men and women to stop these silly and petty games and move forward to rebuild our dignity, pride and nation as the mothers and fathers of all people living on this planet.
Brother Peoples425, I would like to continue to correspond with you because it’s refreshing to converse with likeminded people. If you would like, feel free to email me at 4blacklove11@gmail.com
Peace and Love Brother and I look forward to hearing from you!

Anonymous

As I stated in the above comment, it was not written by me and I will not take credit for it, however it does echo my thoughts and beliefs about the current situation.

The family situation is quite messed up and I find that children are misguided and disenfranchised with our community and values and therefore seeking attention and validation from peers who are equally misguided and devoid of identity and culture. There is much mentoring and love that’s needed within our community along with pride and values that are reminiscent of the age of the Black Panthers.

I have responded to you via email as well and I hope that your day has been treating you well.

Brian S.

Apology accepted…so can we start the “long overdue” reconciliation process now.
Lynn

Nojma, underlying your open letter is the assertion that black women have somehow transgressed against black men. Your letter is flowery and heartfelt, but it’s also abstract with nothing real that supports the basis for your so-called apology. If you have guilt feelings toward a specific black man, wouldn’t you be better served by apologizing to him directly instead of writing a vacuous open letter that acts as if all black women have collectively engaged in some conspiracy against black men?

Secondly, underlying your open letter is an embrace of feminine submission to patriarchal domination. What is this crap about you “returning your womb” to it’s “rightful owner”? Do you not own your own d*m@ womb?

Thirdly, and I hate to be guessing your business like this, but it sounds like you had an interracial child and now regret it…and that maybe this has something to do with your Muslim beliefs (and the possibility that you are a new/recent convert to a black nationalist muslim organization….and I’ll leave that at that). Whatever the case may be, I think your guilt is wildly misplaced, that your view of black women is way, way off, and that you may need more personal relief and direct support than writing an open letter of this nature will give you. You sound as if you are suffering pangs of guilt as a black woman because you are being indoctrinated, and because your indoctrination is being presented to you as a route to mental liberation. Quite the opposite, I see your beliefs sprouting all kinds of imprisoning chains around your womanhood. You may feel like you’ve seen the light now…but give it some time…..those new chains on your ankle may look like gold, but trying walking in them for a while………………………

Ebony Imhotep

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WEB DUBOIS

Sad…sad…sad!!…all the writer was doing was attempting to demonstrate an act of humility, a SYMBOLIC GESTURE that was all it was…it was very pertinent and deliberate…and just one of the necessary facets toward healing. But all you get from blackbeautys’ posts is anger, resentment, hostility directed at the other posters who were thoughtful and respectful toward her and her opinions…but just offered another point of view. Thanks to the poster “Samdromeda” who said it all in one question “Have we overcome Willy Lynch yet??? “…. if one doesn’t know…I MEAN REALLY KNOW AND UNDERSTAND….ones past …well lets just say the cycle continues. Not that it’s needed for all but some folk could stand maybe a 2 year long (at least) in depth course in PRE-COLONIAL AFRICAN History followed by an all inclusive study in Post-Colonial Africa(for starters read books like walter rodney’s “How europe underdeveloped africa) followed by an IN DEPTH study of the T.A.S.T. and middle passage…followed with more a in depth study of the Willy Lynch letters (and the like). What were some of the short and long term consequences??? A comprehensive studey on the state of black america…north america south america…etc..is not as SIMPLE as some would like to make it. It’s always about CONTEXT. If ur to short sighted to see that then comments like those from SAMDROMEDA will go RIGHT OVER UR HARD HEAD….LMAO (sad but so sad ya gotta laugh)

BlackBeauty

With respect to your post I have to ask why you feel that all one would get from my post was “anger”, “resentment”, and “hostility”? I voiced my opinion just as others have done, and I do not feel that black women (as a whole) have to apologize for anything! Also, please stop with the Willie Lynch faire tale! How many more decades will we continue to give this fictitious white man this type of recognition? Please do your research, and consider not to continue passing on this tale to our children.

Anonymous

While I am not here to continue any argument, there is much that we (Black Men and Women) need to apologize for. Your perspective in exonerating ALL misgivings of Black Women is very telling of how you view actions perpetuating the very cycle that the Willie Lynch letters spoke of. I have done my research and read the letters myself, it is the very same argument, as you would call it “faire tale” rather FAIRY, that you present (pitting Black Men and Women against each by telling one that they are right with nothing to apologize for). If you’d like to call it fictitious then please present an argument or perspective that does not illustrate the very same viewpoint the letters have.

There are strong Black Men who have little, if anything, to apologize for either other than their impatience with the hostility, anger and resentment that is presented to them daily by the very same Women that they wish to heal and move on with. If you are to ask of Black Men to be apologetic, then it would be wise to acknowledge the close minded mindset you present to begin with.

BlackBeauty

If indeed you have researched the supposed Willie Lynch Letter, and being an intelligent person you must realize that there was no man named William Lynch, that not one of our leaders/scholars/activist ever made reference to any such letter, that the verbiage was not of the time that this letter was to have been written, and lastly, that no one ever heard of this so called letter until around circa 1980′s.

This is off topic, however I find it strange that even among the more intelligent of us, some still want to push this fictitious, racist, white man’s supposed words as being somehow important to our behavior.

We need to get away from this faire tale, and find real solutions that will be more productive to us as a people so we move forward, collectively.

Back on point, I never wrote that black men should apologize to anyone for anything, however I do believe that some where along the line far too many black men dropped the ball. Back in the day, when times were so much more of a challenge to us as a people, black men took their place. They lead their families, they provided, and even when poor they did not leave their family.

You and others can place blame on the system, the enemy (who?), the Willie Lynch letter, or whatever, but there is still the 5 ton elephant in the room that can’t be ignored.

Anonymous

Basic information regarding the “Willie Lynch Letter” is suspect and therefore should be disregarded, however that is not the point at which I was attempting to illustrate, but rather the behavior that is referenced therein. Regardless of whether or not this particular letter was written then or now, it is still relevant to understand the information that lies within because it relates much to the systematic destruction of the image and family of the Black community. In no way do I feel that it is important to highlight who wrote it because for all I could care, it was written by a Black person who wanted to shake up some people. My point is to say that in order to counter the effects of current counterproductive measures, it would behoove the majority to understand in order to prevent and seek to intervene.

No, you have not once mentioned that Black Men should apologize, however your perspective has had that implication. In that, I am saying that it is upsetting to think that one would say that nothing has or is being done by Black Women that should be apologized for.

As per your accusation of placing the blame on the system, my personal opinion is not that it is the reason, however I believe that without the current system in place, it would be easier to heal as a community. I would be surprised that an intelligent individual as yourself would deny that the media has limited the publicity of positive Black images and rather promoted fairly negative images quite frequently. This media influence in not limited to News, but previously Black owned media turned into something else including BET, and even Black Planet to a large extent. These references are not to give excuses to anyone because any independent thinker can comprehend the images and influence that is consistently fed to us, but rather to inform and to attribute the difficulty of defining one’s own identity within a society that wants to control it. This is augmented by the lack of a positive strong Black Man influence within the family which can be attributed by the lack of Strong Men in the community and the poor choices of mates by Women as Men are naturally the hunters, it is the Woman’s natural instinct to choose.

I am not here to ignore the elephant, but rather, shoot it, kill it, cook it up for all of us to eat so we can have some room to be a family and community. It’s time for the excuses and the rationing to stop and for every to take accountability for their own actions and do what needs to be done in order to heal.
BlackBeauty

It is unfortunate that you would allow a fictitious white man to govern and justify what is wrong with black people. There is nothing suspect except the supposed Willie lynch letter.

I stand by my opinion, that black women (as a whole) have nothing to apologize for.

“It’s time for the excuses and the rationing to stop and for every to take accountability for their own actions and do what needs to be done in order to heal”

I agree!
Anonymous

Who has said anything about giving this person power? The power has and always been with Black people, but we ALL have fallen prey to the very same divisive tactics to fight against each other (as illustrated by your consistent irrational perspective).

You are welcome to your opinion just as I am mine, because there are many Black females just as Black males that need to apologize for the actions that have perpetuated the very same behavior they complain of.

If you agree with me, then why are you still using the same brush to pain ALL Women with as opposed to acknowledging the fact that we (Black People) have all made mistakes?
BlackBeauty

Is your comprehension a tad off?

Apparently YOU give this person power because you indicated/brought him into the convo, trying to justify our behavior based on what he wrote in a fictitious letter. You wrote about him, not me. All I did was try to educate/correct your assumption that this was a real person/letter.

I stated that as (whole) black women do not have to apologize to anyone for anything.

You are reducing it to the lowest dominator, by indicating that my intention covers all black women and all circumstances!

I see nothing “irrational” about my comments or perspective! It is my opinion.
Anonymous

To answer your first question… No.
I believe yours is though.

You initiated with your response to the first poster and I addressed your reference to it as a “faire” tale as opposed to fairy tale.

By stating “ that as (whole) black women do not have to apologize to anyone for anything.” YOU are indicating ALL women and ALL circumstances. If you wish to differentiate between it then it would be advisable that you indicate that SOME or MANY Black Women don’t have anything to apologize for.

The definition of irrational is not endowed with mental reason or understanding. Your perspective and/or opinion is irrational by definition as reason leads one with clarity to understand that this problem is not, I repeat, NOT owed to one side or another and therefore logic dictates both owe apologies.

Septimus Narisa Fa

Black American women are constantly at war with their men. Of all, the countries I had lived in, it was only in America that I noticed that black women’s greatest cause of pain and sorrow revolved around men. (Black men to be specific). This is why black women love to argue relentlessly, spend a man’s money at will, order food at the restaurant as they please, and then give the waitress an attitude always. Most black women see their men as adverseries, not so much as partners. This trait they carry from one chaotic relationship to another further deepens the divide between black men and women as they are constantly at each other’s throat. Many black men have their faults and it can be said that many have contributed to the aggressive and warring nature of the women. But while the black woman loves to heap blame on the man for all her heartache, she refuses to accept any responsbility for her role. She wants to pretend to the world that she is perfect and that all the men who abandoned her just got up and left for no apparent reason. This is a lie. I don’t know a people can be so damaged mentally, emotionally, and otherwise because of men.

I am a member of a black ‘Missionary & Baptist Church’ in my community, and I think this friction between black men and women is even worse in the church. It is outrageous. The pastor on his part loves to pander to women in his sermons, 80% of which is devoted to relationships. When the pastor becomes critical of husbands, the damn wives, single mothers, and single women, encourage him vengefully almost with chants of “yes, preach on Pastor, yes tell them”. Never had I witnessed such divisive madness in Africa, Europe, or Asia where I lived and attended church. In my black church, I would say 90% of the pain and issue women (both married and single) are dealing with is men related. When certain ‘spiritial’ songs are sung during worship, the common occurence is to see people fallout at the alter, scream in emotional agony, cry uncontrollaby, and display epileptic or seizure type behavior, and the explanation is that the Spirit is moving and that these majority of women involvemed in the exhibition are releasing those pain and getting their breakthrough. Problem is, all the years I have attended the same church, they keep doing the same thing, so when do they ever get healed so they let go? The pastor is not my biggest admirer because I suppose the look on my face while all this unfolds is very telling.

The other day, I invited some of the members who are associate pastors to my house for thanksgiving. I had 4 couples over. After we ate, I asked if everyone wanted to watch the game in one of my living rooms. The men were all for that, but the wives decided they wanted to move to the other living room to watch a useless movie that one of the pastor’s wives had brought with her. This theme of the movie is very much like one of those waiting to exhale type movie where men/husbands/spouses are depicted very horribly. I was highly disappointed and disgusted to say the least. My wife is from Ethiopia and we’ve been very happily married for 14 years now, and we have 2 wonderul children. Those other couples have been married longer or in some cases, in their second marriage, but still, chaos defines just about every aspect of their relationship, and for what? My wife is instinctively keeping a distance from the sisters from church. The sisters are not interested in healing or in truly moving forward, and this is sad.

For the pretencious people who feign ingnorance as to who the ‘enemy’ is, the enemy is the white evil doers who capitalize on the turbulent relationship btw the black man and woman to sow more of his divisive seeds and further damage black families and destroy the black man. Most of the useless and artificial lable that the black woman wears ignorant like a badge of honor is created by white media. “Strong black woman”, “Independent Black woman”, “Single Black Mother”, etc. These are a all inventions of the white media created to give black women an artifical sense of import, as if they ever lacked relevance and importance in the first place. Were black women not equal partners and vocal agitators in the struggle for black people’s freedom and civil rights? Why weren’t those black women referred to a “strong black women”? Have black women in America today experience any of the challenges that African and or middle easten women endure? How come those women are no so labelled?

Most Black women today are so easily manipulated by the enemy. When some are elevated in social and economic standing, the spouse or the man is viewed as being beneath them. That spouse is talked to with disrespect, and with disregard. When the man reacts, black women are again told that such reactions stem from the partner’s insecurity. The white vagabonds on this site amusing themselves yet again over what appears to be contentious discussion between black men and women are a huge part of the problem. It was their utterly disgusting and sadistic forefathers that begin the cycle of pitin black people against themselves in America. They were the ones seperating families and selling of black men to different plantations, raping black women, even married ones and fathering children they never claimed nor acknowledged. It was a task that had to be accomplished for the white bastard plantation and slave owners break the black man and make him powerful and useless unto himself. I still recall with repulsion how just recently, Senator Jim Dement of redneck/Slave Master republic of South Carolina, talked about how he wants to BREAK President Obama. What normal human being wants to break someone else for no reason other than political differences? Only devils operate with such evil minds. That’s what Dement’s people did to black men, and by extension, black women. None of this stupid conflict with each other has achieved anything besides fracturing your families and further damaged you as a people in America.

SanDanDus

you post is so long….I don not even want to read all of it…but I did catch the first line and it probably sums the whole blog..
“Black American women are constantly at war with their men” nobodys at war with YOU…are you delusional or what….this is all in your head….what”s at war with you is YOU…you are at war with your OWN SELF……..

And again you blame BW for your inner toil-moil …that is why when you see a intelligent BW…you automatically become defiant, be littering, name calling, and uninspiring…because you have inner toil-moil

NOBODY IS AT WAR WITH YOU…..period…..you are at war with your self!