Erin Harper: An Open Letter to Shaunie O’Neal

July 4, 2011 By Staff 82 Comments

Dear Shaunie,

Heeey girl! How’s it going? You don’t know me from a billy goat, but my name is Erin Harper and I am a school psychology graduate student who likes to dibble and dabble in African American Women’s studies. Before I climb atop my social soapbox, let me say that this letter is written out of love, NOT hate. I love to see women of color prosper. Furthermore, I empathize with you because I am guessing you probably feel like a large percentage of Black America is holding you accountable for something that is MUCH larger than you and your show. It must bite to be the current poster child for a problem that has deep sociohistorical roots. However, I think your critics are so vocal (a) because we had higher expectations for a woman who, from afar, appears polished and levelheaded, and (b) we hoped your show would not perpetuate stereotypes of African American women as aggressive and hypersexual.

I began writing this letter before I read the statement your publicist you wrote to CNN. While I am elated that you attempted to address the issue, I think I speak on behalf of your constructive critics when I say that your statement was not enough. As citizens concerned about images of women in the media and their effects on viewers from all racial and ethnic backgrounds, we have the right to continue to question how much you are truly doing to take your show in a positive direction.

Shaunie, the fact that I am addressing you should actually flatter you. Why? Because you are in the 1% of the 2,896,000.2 reality TV stars that ACTUALLY APPEARS TO HAVE SOME SENSE! Sure, I could have written the woman who, in her head, is the Archbishop of the “wealthy elite of Atlanta”, Ms. NeNe Leakes; however, because NeNe and I share a city, I am a tinge frightened by what that Angry Atlantan Amazon might do to me if she sees me at the wealthy people’s mall. In fact, I actually have recurring nightmares about NeNe chasing me down the mall in a Giorgio Armani Lace Front wig with her Gucci(!) pocket knife. BURR BURR…I get chills just thinking about it! But the nightmare doesn’t end there. When NeNe realizes she cannot catch me, she throws one of her special-order size 47 “Red Bottoms” at my head, knocks me out, and commences to beat me with her VVS-diamond encrusted Louis Vuitton Billy club. I digress…

Let us return to the matter at hand. Shaunie, I am very confused about the making of Bullying Wives, I mean, Basketball Wives. It does not make much sense that a person who was once presented as a graceful mother would replace that image with the image of a smut-promoting queen pin. That image swap is like trading your Chanel blouse for a “SHE by Sheree” tank—it just doesn’t add up. In your CNN commentary, you reported that your original vision for Basketball Wives was altered once taping began. Even if that is a true statement, if you continue to air recklessly high levels of physical and relational aggression (i.e., nonphysical aggression in which one manipulates or harms another’s social standing or reputation), then we must hold you accountable for the direct and indirect effects of this content on America’s children and families. I will not come down on you too hard because I believe you, like many entertainers, lack information about the results of research which shows that frequent exposure to violence, sex, and other behaviors on television are linked to various negative mental and physical health outcomes. Plus, you had no way of knowing that we had no interest in seeing Evelyn and Chad enjoying such an awkward intimate moment on screen. Speaking of Evelyn, shouldn’t we be transferring her to football wives anyway?

Allow me to be real Shaunie. I have seen my fair share of reality TV. However, once I became educated about the issues related to the effects of negative images on viewers, I began to question my actions, and lessen my viewing in an attempt to reduce demand for this content. I recommend a similar strategy for you from the supply side. You stated that you are personally working with station executives to make sure “Basketball Wives” sends positive messages “despite the drama”. However, now that you have a bit more knowledge about the negative effects of what you may perceive as harmless drama, why even air the fighting scenes? I am sure, or at least I hope, there are plenty of other things going on in “the wives” lives to have sufficient footage for your show. If you continue to air negative images for financial gain, then I honestly do not know how you will sleep at night. I guess 9,000 thread count Egyptian sheets will make it pretty easy though!

Shaunie, do better my friend. Anti-bullying campaigns are more prevalent than ever before due to strong evidence that physical and relational aggression are linked to serious health problems in bullies AND victims; and, in the worst cases, a loss of lives. We cannot afford to send hypocritical messages to children by telling them not to bully while we glamourize the same behavior on television. We must take an ACTIVE stand against these negative portrayals in the media. Making a public statement every now and then does not count as an active stand. I do not think people want you to produce a fairytale show free from disagreements. Nevertheless, I believe (or at least I hope) that you are industrious and creative enough to show alternative methods of problems solving on screen. I think continued dialogue with you and others in the entertainment industry can contribute to a decrease in negative images, which could result in more socially and emotionally healthy Americans.

Please join us in this movement to promote positive social skills and combat negative images. I even welcome the Football Wives, the Mafia Wives, The Peanut Butter Sandwich Makers’ Wives, and The Jackknifed Tractor Trailer Drivers’ Wives to join us. I would love to meet with you to further discuss these issues. If I were one of the ladies on your show, I’d jump over a table, throw a glass of Coconut Ciroc across the room, and tell you to meet me outside. However, socially responsible adults just meet on CNN.

Respectfully,

Erin Harper

P.S. It is terribly troublesome for me to refer to you as “one of the wives”. I respect you and your personal achievements enough not to address you solely based on your affiliation with a man. I also have one final request. I ask that you consider renaming the show and shifting the content to your life experiences, what you’ve learned, and how you can use those lessons to promote positive social change. Just give me a buzz over here at www.yourblackworld.com, I can totally take you in the direction that you need to go.

P.(S.S.) Diddy, I’d like to hear from you too. This is the second time I’ve shamelessly mentioned your brand. I can see us doing BIG things (straight face). Your Smooth + My Studies + Our Combined Good Looks + Social Action = Saving an ENTIRE generation! Get at me. Shaunie has my number.

Erin Harper is a graduate of Spelman College and a Doctoral Student at Georgia State University in School Psychology. She is a researcher at the Georgia State University Center for School Safety, Climate, and Delinquency Prevention, an interdisciplinary research center that promotes basic and applied research and facilitates educational and outreach efforts.

More From Your Black World:

0saves

Save

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Filed Under: Black Women, Entertainment, Featured, Uncategorized, Your Black World Tagged With: basketball wives, erin harper, shaunie oneal

Egorho

This is an outstanding article. Shauneenis a fake and has sold us out and for what….money? She doesn’t need it
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_EGXZ26MK42CPGJ2FMIR3VXS4T4 flextime

I just wonder does Shaunie have the “bollocks” to even answer you back. I doubt it. She has engaged in some silly behavior on the show and she does not come to the table with “clean hands.” By endorsing, these women on her show to act like foul mouth,horny sailors coming to port for shore leave does not leave me with a good impression of her and her goals for the show.

Basically VH-1 has finally found a winning combination to all their reality shows starting from the Flavor of Love. You get ghetto Black females together you will get some good t.v. If you put Black females with money together you will get excellent t.v. because these women try to act like they have class and feel entitled. Shaunie – fresh of a divorce and having 5 or 6 kids to feed had to find a way to make money. None of these women are WIVES. They were homey-lover-friends for 10 years or incubators and trapped an athlete with a kid girls. How are these respectful? Why by the cow if you can get the milk for free. The few wives that have made guest appearances on the show were actually well behaved and refreshing. I actually think this show is about trying “air out” some grudges to the world that could be solved in a discreet manner.

I hope you are able to get a response with her but I am sure she is seeing dollar sign with this train wreck juggernaut of a show.

Meanchick

Whoa. Shaunie had a great job BEFORE she married Shaq and she’s not starving for money. You need to check yourself. All black women are not hoochies, gold-diggers or ghetto. Shaunie does not owe us an explanation, but she did respond and that’s more than enough. As for this misspelled attack letter, why should she respond? How about complaining to VH-1 if you feel so compelled by BBWs? I’m offended that you say black women+money=excellent TV. Where is the responsibility of the athletes who made them wives, ex-wives, baby-mamas, jump-offs? If there was no bad behavior on their part, there would be no drama to watch on BBWs. Question- Would anyone watch this show if it was only about positive black women doing positive things? No. THEN people would complain about them being bourgeois, uppity, fake.

Marie7207

What great job did she have? I’d love to know.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Blythe-Dhia/100002488206415 Blythe Dhia

I believe she was in marketing at a television network somewhere… I think.

mystiq jones

All black women aren’t hoochies, but what do you think this show does to shed light on that?
Ladyrae3

I don’t agree with your comment about the athletes-a man can only make you what you allow them to make you. I would bet money these women put up with the crap they did for as long as they did without a marirage bc they thought they would be set for life with buddy’s paycheck. They don’t sleep with the common man-they need men with money so they know what it is from the jump. I don’t think its anything wrong with wanting a man with money I just don’t wanna hear the whining and crying about the”sacrifices” they endured for it. The men dont get a pass either bc they know the type of women they are courting from jump as well.

Mahoganyone

It is way past time that we, as a united people, stop watching shows that continue to denigrate us. I have never watched any reality shows, I seldom watch any television, period, as I prefer to be entertained by books rather than mediocrity.
http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

Ok I got to call BS on this article. Why? because as a black women reading this, the author did the same thing she is accusing Shaunie of doing, being disrespectful to other black women. Why did this author feel the need to down talk “SHE my Sheree” and NENE. See that is the typical hypocritical behavior lots of black women, who want to “help” display. You dont help my serving a sh&t sandwiched masked as prime rib.

Also black people need to realize that NO ONE IS THE SPOKESPERSON FOR YOUR OWN PARENTING. You all are ALWAYS looking for a savior and that is your downfall. Since the articles author wants to fake like she is concerned with the negative images as it pertains to violence concerning children, then let me see her write this letter about MOB WIVES. See I am so tired of the fakeness some black women portray while they pretend to actually care, it is beyond sickening.

Eaharper98

See my parenting article
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBJCWPQD5NRVCOAGLGLDFHEQAA WhoCares

You probably would have a better understanding if you reread the article. Obviously, nothing was retained from your initial reading. What many of you who support these so called “reality’ shows don’t get is that You’re the entertainment! You’re the joke! Black women are never portrayed as multifaceted. Always oversexed, funky attitudes, azz shaking goldigging-know it alls. White women can change @ turn of the channel!! They are doctors, lawyers, house wives and whores but less of the ladder because there are hundreds of channels! There is not enough sisterhood in the community because we are lead to believe that we are not good enough to match any other race. Even our black men have been brainwashed that black women are less worthy than their white counterparts. How stupid to hate yourselves when this body of this shade is what we will wear until our deaths! Learn your history, love yourself.

http://www.facebook.com/nosugarcoatn Nosugarcoatn Ever

I think your problem is that you see white women as our counterpart. Anything I would have agreed with was made void by that comment…It is indeed you who should love yourself.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBJCWPQD5NRVCOAGLGLDFHEQAA WhoCares

Actually, they are. We are ALL humans of this earth. Because our hatred and disdain for one another would have us believe that we are only equal to one another- we continue this downward spiral. Keep supporting your ‘reality’ shows. Buffoonery is the new fad that will change history back to what previous generations fought so hard to dismantle. it’s sad that we are convinced that we have no responsibility to one another. This is why our daughters are so abrasive and unapproachable, lazy and loose. The women of today support this idea by not setting healthy examples.

ASistaLove

WhoCares – you hit it dead on!!! Erin’s article was on point however she lost me with some of the unneeded sarcasm. I agree whole heartily with your point that there are many versions of white women portrayed on a variety of channels therefore when we get the opportunity to be the stars of 1 or 2 shows even reality shows as it were, we should take advantage of it 100%. When the station executives come back with, “it won’t sell”,”we need more confrontation preferable a fight”, the producers and the “star(s)” need to say, “No, it doesn’t take all that to get our point across” and be prepared to stand be that. I’m sure someone reading this may say, how dare you propose taking away these women livelihood!. Well, at the expense of projecting such negative images to our daughters, nieces, cousins, men-tees – yes, that is indeed what I’m suggesting. Ok, off my soapbox. Much sincere love My Sisters – Be Blessed!

http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

Girl.

http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

I just
read your open letter with comprehension. I agree that negative images and
volatile behavior of women, especially women of color, on reality shows are
far-reaching. But, do you recall the reason she said the show was created–to
give those women a chance to express their angst! It was NEVER about uplifting
or empowering the masses/viewers–or anything near it. It was about a show idea
that, in order to be worth Vh1′s time, needed to make money for advertisers.

But,
above all that! Do you really understand what I just said about Shaunie’s
premise of the show–expressing angst. Well, Shaunie was the main one who was
expressing her angst. She was dogged by Shaq to the Nth degree–and we do not
even know the beginning of it. For her to create that show, it MUST be
understood that she was messed up emotionally and was enraged (and still is
messed up!). So much so that she unleashed it out on ALL women saying–can I
get a witness! (But, she does so vicariously through the cast members, very
sly).

We
know that most (not all) Black women, and other women of color, know about
being treated like trash by men, not only in intimate relationships, but by men
in their families, etc., due to rape, incest, abuse, for example. Again, it was
about Shaunie unleashing her rage and angst–and getting paid in the process.
Oh, Shaunie’s Basketball Wives Show is not life imitating art–It is the real
raw deal of art imitating life. However, there is talk about how that reality
show executives insist on adding rigged drama to hype the story for the sake of
ratings and earning power.

I have a major in women’s studies and a masters in professional
counseling–to us in the field we understand the situation from moral, social,
cultural, and ethical perspectives, and how such behavior has far-reaching
impact on the masses. In contrast, it is less of those concerns for the
creators, producers, and advertisers of such shows. Also, a major component to
remember–we live in a egoistical society. Most (not all) people are
self-centered and concerned about their feelings,
issues, thoughts, and opinions. But, I understand your point–why continue to
put it out there, especially once researched feedback is given? Your letter is
basically asking her to stop the hype, violence and drama, when vh1 is saying
we need all the hype in order to amass the money for advertisers and the
ratings from the viewers. Advertisers want sales and that is how Vh1 and the
cast members get paid. They want viewers to buy their products. Do you remember
learning about what television really is about–advertising. The programs are
really the intermissions and attention grabbers–to keep the viewers looking at
commercial advertisements.

This is
a complex moral and ethical issue that is rapped up in money and hustling. In
the end–the position of the media is–the viewer will decide what to watch,
but those who do decide to view will be sold hard. I think Shaunie should put a
limit on her franchise endeavor–meaning only allowing it for several seasons,
then do something else (more positive) to make money and express herself.

http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

My article kept getting cut!

loriblessed

Honestly i watch BasketBall wives Becuse i find them Entertaining ,,and How its shocking to Me That theses Beautifull Intelligent well Educated Black Women independent Business Owner Talks about he say she Say and less about Charity They repesent Us ShameFully ,,ot all thank god is Like This ,,,First lady Michelle Obama Opera,Maya Angelo,,,

lisa

I’m wondering where you get the idea that they are intelligent, well educated or independent?

loriblessed

im not Going To judge them in Gods Eyes they are still are sisters they have brain they all own there own buisness ,,its there personalitys and How there repersenting there selfs That is Messing up there Rep,,,,

Lisa

Lori, my honest answer to you is that I think it’s a mistake to think of people like them as intelligent, well educated or independent. They are simply not examples of that. It has nothing to do with judging them but lets be honest. They have what they have because they dated, had babies fathered by pro athletes and a couple married them. That simply is not the definition of the things you describe. They are really the opposite of how you describe them. Think about it. I’m not trying to be rude.

loriblessed

Honestly i watch BasketBall wives Becuse i find them Entertaining ,,and How its shocking to Me That theses Beautifull Intelligent well Educated Black Women independent Business Owner Talks about he say she Say and less about Charity They repesent Us ShameFully ,,ot all thank god is Like This ,,,First lady Michelle Obama Opera,Maya Angelo,,,
loriblessed

miss harper Very Good letter i pray your message gets to miss Shaunie ,,,,,
Gary

Ok folks, get a grip tv shows are so not the problem in the black community. The problems are the behaviors of certain people in the black community. TV does not raise children–people do. Raise your children properly and the problems go away. Strive for something better. This notion that outside things are the cause of social problems is getting old. Please we have a black President and still young men are walking around doing foolishness. Did they suddenly start doing well in school, pulling up their pants because there is a “good role model” on tv everyday, i.e., the President? No! But they would if their mother demanded that.

And finally, the person to blame for single mother households are those mothers! Every man that sleeps with you is not supposed to be the father of your kids! Get a grip ladies!

Eaharper98

See my parenting article.

Openfist247

I saw your parenting article. I’m a parent myself. Believe me, better parenting is a significant step towards solving so-called black problems. We cannot control the macro-culture, but we can control our own behavior. We need to make better choices. Period. Otherwise, the system will continue to exploit us.

http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

That is the position of media–the viewer will decide to watch or not watch. The viewer is in control. There is no way we can control the entity–media.

Ddrum14707

All women have different sexual levels.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Shakka-Zulu/1379420279 Shakka Zulu

All these houchies have sold out for the mighty dollar..On the slave auction block they would make black men strip naked, check out their balls, penis, teeth and squeeze their asses for good measure, women would have their teeth, breast checked, hips and ass slapped and might even be taken into a barn to be tried out prior to selling, we are seeing a modern day version of the slave auction block…We have men painting their bodies with tattoos, wearing their pants below their asses, making babies left and right and not marrying the mothers or taking care of these children, while they continue to simulating sex on concert stages…Women are no better, they are prancing on stage like stallions, thong up their asses (Beyonce, Rihanna) and exposing all their assets for the world to see…Next comes these so called reality shows with women calling themselves housewives, when most of them were not even behaving like wives when they were married…Half these women are girlfriends, ex-fiances and never walked down anybodies aisles, but are perpetrating this fraud on the public by calling themselves wives…You’ll need to join the public library while it’s still free and get you an education, time to turn off the boob tube…
Thomas Holmes

Interesting perspectives have arisen in many of the responses to this post. I would have to say that we are all aware that shows like Basketball Wives are on the air as entertainment, to make money for rich white executives who can care less about the impact on the social well being and health of children, or adults for that matter. Erin has a right to express her opinion and Shaunie has a right to make a living. From the male perspective, I have to agree with Gary in regards to who is to blame for the problems in the black community. Shaunie has much to do with the perpetuation of violence in the black community as does Tyler Perry.

Remember in Madea’s family reunion when Madea told the abused fiancee about the “hot grits.” It could be argued that although this movie depicted images of violence and stereotypes in black families, we would be hard pressed to say that this film had an impact on the increase in “hot grits” assaults in America. Are you with me?
For the most part the violence in this movie was overshadowed by the positive and uplifting power of our legacy, family values and authentic love which Tyler presented in a phenomenal way. He had a message to his move.

Television, and entertainment should not raise our children, but parents have allowed them to
“Me” has take a back sit over what is in the best interest of “We.”
Our value system in a large segment of the black community has shifted from generations past where civil rights, social responsibility, black pride and spirituality were the focus, to now in a world were we depend on what the media defines as “reality” 24hrs a day.
Shaunie’s world is not our world because she don’t live on my block.
Entertainment has as its core value – profit, not social uplift.
We demonize every rapper whose lyrics are derogatory and known word for word by our children, yet it is the parents who listen to the same music with their children and allow the the video vixens whose sexual exploitative movements to be the standard for young girls to emulate.

I respect Erin’s perspective about the linkage between the violent images and behavior and health outcomes. As a DJ, pastor, doctoral student and concerned citizen of the world, I believe that this deep black hole we find ourselves in as a people, is liken to some P-funk like “One Nation Under a Groove” or shall I say under a “curse.” It is bigger than Shaunie so it is too high to get over, to wide to get around it and to low for us to get under it.
Elaine

Interesting and provocative, but there isn’t a market for empowerment and “uplift”. If the “children” are watching reality shows and learning negative behavior, then the problem is with the “parents” and not Shaunie. If the “parents” are watching reality programs and emulating the behavior, then the problem is with their “parents”. If the public is viewing reality programming and thinks that what they see is in any way “real” and reflective of “all” women of color, women married to athletes, professional women, these perceptions probably existed long before this show.

There are so many other genres that advocate bullying and aggressive behavior. Why aren’t you calling out the NFL, NHL, the latest crime drama, or even news talk shows?

In terms of sending the message, the advertisers need to be the recipients not Shaunie. I’ve never watched the show, but I know that reality television is scripted and scripted for a reason. I’m not sure where you were going with this piece, but the tone is condescending (I think) and written in a manner that reflects to a certain extent, intellectual snobbery clothed in “but I’m down though”. But that approach has usefulness so - you go girl…
Sandra Adell

Dear Erin:

I really like what you’ve written, but Elaine is right: there really isn’t a market for empowerment and uplift, which is why these shows are so popular. I also think that now that we have other media to turn to, we need to look in other places.

I can think of two online communities of black women who are nothing like what we see in the media. One is African Women of the Diaspora. The other is BLACK WOMEN “DO” WORKOUT (www.blackwomendoworkout.com)

This is an online grassroots community of over 100,000 black women who are determined to fight against negative images of black women and to defeat the terrible statistics about our high rates of obesity and related health issues by motivating each other to keep striving to be healthy and happy.

That’s the first step to empowerment, as far as I’m concerned: real black women building positive self-images, passing it on to our children and other family members, and saying ourselves and others, LET’S GET REAL!

Sandra Adell
http://www.facebook.com/people/Avisjay-Savisti/617630819 Avisjay Savisti

The article was a little hard to get through, but I get where the author is coming from. I think the show is crap actually. It perpetuates a lifestyle that most Black Women can’t indulge in nor should they if they are blessed enough to have the finances to do so.

The real issue is our love affair with “wealth”. It seems the last thing a negro that gets a chance to have a TV show would think of is creating a “Extreme Couponing Show”. Yet this is the very type of finance control the Black Community needs today (shows that teach people how to shop “off sale”, how to bargain hunt).

One person (Gary) commited “tv shows are so not the problem in the black community”. Though true, what it does is offer some analyses to the psyche of the community, and the narrow-mindedness of what Shaunie O’Neal though would work out of the seemingly endless variety of shows she could of produced.

In my opinion she’s deserving of the bad criticism the author (and many other) is giving her. I used to love watching “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”. Your heart would go out to the families that were getting home makeovers. Now I find myself a fan of “Yard Crashers”, and other shows that have the theme of helping others. Hell, I even liked to watch our sister Niecy Nash go help clean up people homes on “Clean House”.

Now, how many Black People do you know that are in need of a “Yard Crashing”, “Home Improvement”, or just all out need to get their damn house cleaned up?

Where I’m from (Philly), these shows could do several seasons just on my block alone.

And time after time unfortunately when we get the power to do things we usually find a way to shine the light on ourselves. It seems the door is wide open to be creative as possible (there’s even cupcake shows). But Ms. Va’Shaundya Nelson (Shaunie’s birth name) show lacks any inventiveness and is just a “johnny come lately” copy of other ignorant shows.

Avisjay – wwwlivelinklounge.com
Meanchick

Okay. Passive-Aggressive much Erin? This article is an attack. I don’t care how many college credits you back it up with. Shaunie is not the problem. She is showing women what can happen when you decide to be an athlete’s baby-mama, jump-off or ‘almost fiancee.’ Telling her to change the title or to do her research is quite irresponsible on your part. Her experience is not your experience. BBW is a cautionary tale of sorts.
And why did you feel the need to go on a tirade about NeNe when you addressed this letter to Shaunie? You are doing the one thing I cannot agree with and that is telling another woman about herself simply because you are educated and you think that gives you the clearance to do so. Shaunie is also an educated woman. While you may not agree with the show and have your own ideas about what it may or may not represent, you failed to do your own research or at least show us the results of the research you reference. Your ‘open letter’ seems more like a job audition and less like a true letter of concern. Why did you mention Diddy? Did you do your research on the average success of his artists? You did not mention his show and how he treats others, yet you complain that Shaunie is irresponsible and only in it for the money? Really? You are one thing you mentioned; shameless. I’m embarrassed for you sister.

Eaharper98

See other comments and my latest article. Don’t be embarassed for me. I’m doing real work with real results. No need to be famous. Tight tight hug!

Meanchick

Let’s hope so. Good Luck to you sister.

Kellshorn

I completely agree with this! It doesn’t take a doctoral degree to see that reality television is flawed. I am a 35 year old divorced mother of 2 and I guess I am considered uneducated since I do not possess a college degree!!! Although I do not agree with BBW, I am also really undecided about this open letter. This is total BS! I think BBW needs to be removed from TV, completely. I do not want my daughter to grow up thinking it is okay to be a glorified whore! Sorry for using this expression but this is how I feel! (And for me Shaunie does not fall into this category, but I feel in a way she is promoting it.) Since the night I heard a local female radio announcer talking about Amber Rose and then making the statement the “jump-offs” are winning, I have been completely disgusted with this whole idea of these woman! If I choose to frequent wealthy men in my world I would be considered a whore, so why are these ladies any different!? The majority of these relationships are premeditated and I say this because these woman are groupies that have gotten lucky! Beautiful pimps, they just run their business with a little different mind set than Bishop Don Magic Juan, or Pimpin Ken! I could rant on all day about how I feel about this particular issue but I won’t! I’m just going to say this…WE HAVE TO STOP THE MADNESS!!!! Anything that is making our race look less as a people needs to be abolished!!! I honestly believe that WE are tremendously better than how we are being portrayed!!!! Erin Harper I appreciate your open letter to an extent and I thank you for taking the time. I want my daughter to want to want to be like someone like you…beautiful, educated black woman that I’m hoping can see past all the glitz and glamour because in my opinion this is what is hurting us most as a people!!! The majority of us want all this money and fame but we are unable to see the TRUTH of how to obtain it!!! The fabulous life is not a true reality for the majority of us, but being smart, being wealthy and living decent is possible for more of us if we could just get our heads out of these fantasies that others are living and do what it takes to live realistic good lives!!!!!
Kellshorn

paula

You are correct about needing “that” show removed. What I saw was in no form inspiring to young girls. It protrays women of color in a nasty light. Never watched the entire show and don’t really know names but I certainly didn’t miss anything. My granddaughter watched the trash talking women and was glued to the show and believe you me it was not apropriate for a young teenager. I could not tell one positive aspect that the show revealed. And the other reality shows are just as bad. All Trash.

Chinue X

Sistah Erin, I stand in agreement with you letter to Ms. O’Neal. I would further add, that none of these so called wives have demonstrated community service participation. They are more interested in obtaining monies for themselves and partying. They are a disgrace to wives around the world, who do not back-bite and fight, but raise their children and try to keep their families intact. Asante
It Takes One to Know One

WOW! While you might be going to school to get your degree in (whatever, it really doesn’t matter), you clearly haven’t learned one thing, so I’m going to give this to you for FREE: Belittling, degrading and speaking negatively about African-American stereotypes only gives others an alibi. Black people in American need to step up! For someone who talks a lot about her show, it would appear that you watch it. Why indulge? The same reason the other viewers do – because they can passive-aggressively sit and chat while appearing to be the upper crust of the disenfranchised. People who WORK in television, know that what is seen on screen is not always the way that events transpired. AND as much as Shaunie is an Executive Producer, she is NOT the network. She’s locked into an agreement. Perhaps you should read what a reality show agreement looks like. It says, that the network is allowed to exploit, ridicule, deride and otherwise portray you in any light they want for the sake of the show ratings. Like Nosugarcoatn Ever stated, I don’t hear the drama over Mob Wives or Jersey Shore. And I’m with Meanchick – you mention the “Bad Boy Curse” and then want him to reach out to you? I think what you REALLY want, is a guest spot on a reality tv show. Take it from someone who knows…not happening for you. You pretend to be too smart. There’s only one spot in reality television for an Elitest Bougie Black Chick who detests the color of her skin and Star Jones took it.

Eaharper98

You and “meanchick” need to get your drawers out your behinds. Do your background research. Know satire when you see it. This piece got many people to care and act who typically would not. I could care less about meeting Shaunie or Diddy. I just want change. I roll up my sleeves daily with families. What do you all do???????????

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBJCWPQD5NRVCOAGLGLDFHEQAA WhoCares

@6de6626c2aad004e853f5e1d6a89fa03:disqus
You’ve read their comments so have I. While I can’t tell you what they “do” comprehend is something that they don’t.

Edwina Dunbar-Johnson

Erin I really, really “LIKE, LOVE” your comment above. You’ve written everything I would say if I was to write regarding the subject. I am “PROUD” of your well note and your intelligent. I wouldn’t consider writing Nene either. No use saying anything to her, she wouldn’t understand She is just an IGNORANT AND GHETTO BROAD and just too ANGRY with the world/universe.
http://twitter.com/dollslikeme Denise Gary Robinson

Thank you. I appreciate the wit and eloquence used to say what many of us have been thinking. I hear from parents regularly about how hard it is to build and maintain self-esteem in their children of color (particularly girls), while competing with outside influences.They almost always mention two things – images in the media and misogynistic music.
Marie7207

For everyone that likes to act like they’re above watching “reality TV”, Oprah’s network should be pulling more viewers and higher ratings. *crickets*. Thought so. Yes, Shaunie’s delusional commentary is a problem, but our voracious consumption of the product is an even bigger problem. Just because someone puts chocolate cake on your plate for breakfast, don’t mean you gotta eat it, then complain about the baker when you put on weight. Personal responsibility is the name of the game.

Eaharper98

Yep. That is what I meant by reducing demand. As we learn we must do better. The ONLY reason ive seen a few clips of this particular show is because my girls groups talk about it and I had no idea about some of the references they were making.

Lillian Litzsey

We all have plenty to do ,working with black women to help them raised their children.I hope we spend as much time in our communities as we do reading this information.All the comments were right-on,let talk to our youth in our communities about violence and sex.
The basketball wives, Diddy,and others don’t need our help, most of them are pretty smart.
Lillian Litzsey
Anonymous

Good stuff. Just enough comedy mixed with real analysis.
Being chased by Nene Leakes would be a scary proposition.
Ayhughes

She lost me when she went in on NeNe
A32st

Read the book titled The Warmth of Other Suns this book will give u inspiration i think we got it all wrong.(Author Isabel Wilkerson) How soon we forget!!!!!
Aretha1962

I really love you for saying the same statement a lot of us feel. Why do we have to degrade women hasn’t that been done enough when we were slaves. Why can’t we be smart like Mrs Obama? What is wrong with being good, respectful, honest, true to our young girls. Shaunie has all the money she can ever need why do it at all. Doesn’t she have a daughter ? Is that what she lets her own child watch i doubt it. Teach about Jesus if you want to air something we don’t need to know what goes on behind your closed doors.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WIT4TVTXTKPPPMFA3SKIIXLFUU Diamonds2

Shaunie is not the problem… Secondly it’s always a problem when black women are making money… We are always the ones to sell out supposedly. Always the ones have to perpetuate the most positive images… When women of other races with any type of behavior are deemed acceptable at all expense. We have Hollywood wives, NY Wives and every other wife on earth which is absolutely white; Italian etc. making money and this is fine with America. Nobody is saying they are perpetuating negative images for little white girls. White folks do have enough sense to educate their children to facts vs. non facts. Somehow we missed the mark on this issue and more. We missed the opportunity to teach our children reality vs. fiction and they started to emulate the rap culture, gang banging and the beat goes on.

So just because a few black women start a childish argument on the boob tube does not necessarily make them negative human being or the fact will inflict negative images on little black girls. I’ve seen worst in reality and it didn’t have anything to do with television.
Sharonkeyes

OOH gIRL YOU PUTTING WAY TO MUCH ON IT,SO GLAD YOU EDUACATED BUT IN THE REAL WORDL/REALITY EVERYONE ELSE ISNT STAY IN YO BUBBLE AND ALLOW THESE H***’S TO SHARE THERE BUBLE AS THEY SEE FIT,,,FIND ANOTHER OUTLET LIKE WHY E CHANNEL,ALWAYS PROMOTIN ONLY WHITE/OTHER’S (WOMEN) WITH BLACK MEN ON THERE REALITY SHOW,,YOU SOUND SO DUMB ..DON’T LET ALL THAT EDUCATION MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL WITH A OPINION AS IT WRITTEN IN THE BIBLE IN PROV: A FOOL ONLY WANTS TO AIR HIS/HERS OPINION”…YOUR CAUSE IS MOOT… THE E CHANNEL NEEDS TO BE CHECKED HARDER THAN THESE WOMEN…YOUR OPEN LETTER TO SHAUNIE WAS NOT NEEDED………..
http://www.facebook.com/people/Blythe-Dhia/100002488206415 Blythe Dhia

Erin, I appreciate your open letter to Shaunie; but I find it somewhat impractically idealist. Not that this should be an excuse for grown women to be acting a fool on television, but these are “Basketball Wives” (using the term wife loosely). I don’t really expect more from women whose sole purpose in life is to trap a “baller.” The fact that they’ve managed to flip that into a second lucrative endeavor is mind boggling in itself. If this was Michelle Obama’s production, then I’d completely understand your POV. But it’s JUST Shaunie O’Neal and honestly, how else are those women going to make a buck? Yes, you are a formally educated sister, but you have to realize that some people graduated from the School of Hard Knocks and Gold Digger University- and there should be room for them to succeed as well. Everybody can not be the doctor – and I wouldn’t want Evelyn Lozada or Tammy near me with a scalpel anyway.
I do agree that there is a lack of balance on television, but as someone who works in the industry, I’ll admit that i wouldn’t really want to see a show starring myself and my educated besties because our 9-5 working / going to school / raising well rounded children lives aren’t very exciting to the average reality show viewer. I think and hope most people understand that “Basketball Wives” and shows of that nature are less reality and more scripted entertainment.
Keep up your crusade against Shaunie if you must, but until value systems in this country change as a whole I think you’re wasting your energy. Maybe write to a real educator or politician or something. However, what if Shaunie does respond to your critique and invites you to battle it out on the show with her? Would you accept?
mystiq jones

I like this letter. I believe it took a lot of courage for this sister to sit down and constructively address this “reality” /minstrel show. For those of us feeling criticized and attacked by this, I simply say get over it. This is not reality for any people other than them. A senior living month to month struggling to pay the light bill and buy their medicine is reality. The struggling single mother working full time and trying to go to school to better herself is reality (and would make a much better show). The unemployed brother with a wife and three kids in search of work after graduating college is reality. My point is that we need more educated sisters and brothers willing to speak up like this one did and less of the all caps typing, diva-esque, neckrolling sisters like the one posted under me. We’ve seen you before boo. In all the wrong places.
Lfrederick09

They all bite. They are famous for what being the slut of the hour? Please Americans get what they want and they want smut all the time. This is not the hour for thinkers just blind zombies and the media whores who want and choose to lead the way. No education, no talent, just two gaping holes. One in thier conscience and the other you know where

Lfrederick09

forgive the spelling I left my glasses somewhere. If you see them please return them.

Eaharper98

I understand and appreciate your perspective. Education is power. I dont believe they are ‘just b-ball wives’…I am hopeful that once educated about the serious impact, change can occur. Somebody once told most great contributors to society that they were “too idealistic.” I appreciate the motivation to continue to work toward change. Try broadening your view …you should also read my next article…see below. Oh, and I’ve also been an educator for several years, work closely with local policy makers, and run after school programs for girls whom these messages are destroying. What some people dont realize is this wasnt as much about bbw as it was getting people who might not typically discuss or read about these issues to engage. It worked.

http://yourblackworld.com/2011/07/04/erin-harper-why-better-parenting-isnt-a-catch-all-solution-to-negative-hip-hop/

Connected by DROID on Verizon Wireless
Joan McCreavy

Well said Erin, well said, I wish more people would speak out on how black women have to act on these reality show just for a profit. I know they are educated women and should acted like they are.
Cvmoore86

Yea Shaunnie may not be the problem, but she is definitely contribute. It’s like feeding a alley cat food the more you feed it the more it comes back. I look at it like this your giving an opportunity to make a difference, to help better the black community, to be that change we desire, but in the end we sell out to selfishness, materiel things and greed. If the black community was united we will be a force to wrecking with. But yet we have such a deep hatred in our heart towards one another which is safe to say we are still slave minded. But hey……
Mayne

Erin is correct. While laced in humor, she makes good points. I’m not ghetto, trashy, money-driven, I don’t pick or participate in fights, especially with sistahs, or do any of this pathetic stuff that is glorfied on this ‘show’. And to be quite honest, I’d like to believe that most of black women don’t either. I get sick and tired of these types of shows only showing black women in a negative light. Long gone are the days of Living Single. But then again, that wasn’t a reality show. Let’s just stop watching these shows altogether. Erin, thank you for calling Shaunie out. She has the means and resources to have a truly positive show produced but she sold out for ratings and the almightydollar, which she doesn’t need. It won’t be long before one or more of her children will aspire to produce the same type of programming. And the cycle, and saga,continues. So sad.
Anonymous

Love it!!!! We need positivity, This show is very negative. All it shows is anger.It should harbor Love ,support, success, life learning lessons all possitive.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBJCWPQD5NRVCOAGLGLDFHEQAA WhoCares

Well Erin, kudos to you and good luck! If ever there was a grand statement made “you can learn a lot from a dummy” it clearly applies to Shaunie. First, I don’t watch the show. I’m a reader and have read and heard enough about it not to be curious. I have however, been present in a family member’s home while it was on. How awful to see women, black women in such desperation! Shaunie O’neal, I understand is bff with this Evelyn person that goes around sleeping her way up. If that’s her thing, let’s not knock her but doesn’t that make the ex Mrs. Shaq a hypocrite? Befriending a golddigging tramp who sleeps with husbands to move forward? I mean, I always supported Shaunie for going through that herself now she’s encouraging it?!! She tells Evelyn to tell a drinking Tammi that she slept with her then husband who left her and her 2 daughters for a white woman while she turned to welfare!! Was that supposed to be funny??? Again, Erin thank you for having expectations for Shaunie’s show-Lord knows many of us she delivered what was anticipated. She’s just a bigger Coon as the others. Next time you get the need to watch t.v that includes a black woman try Hawthorne-Jada is OUTSTANDING!! The quality speaks for itself.
P.S. That NeNe excerpt was hilarious. She is hideous.
Gjulimusic

Erin….I am relieved to know there is someone else who feels like I do. Black or white, it just seems to me if degrades the woman period. Especially when all of those women have tasted some of the ‘upper crust’. It only means that wherever you eat, you can still ask like an a**. How these boyfirends or husbands feel or allow this to continue, blows me away . I knhow it’s been about that woman who is calling her own shots but when the shots are all over the place, …”
Thanks E….
Yokai

Telemundo,Glavision,Bayanihan,etc.These are all media giants(and grassroot programming efforts) that are successful and are ran by the same folks they are responsible for providing programming to(“light skinned” novela actors aside).simply put,its money and responsibility. just an opinion,but i think this will only change when folks see through the fantasy and realize this stuff is the perpetuation of our hunger/lust for EXPENSIVE DISTRACTIONS.instead of circulating our own money into health,education,etc,we let things like this happen.and when it is(circulated),its usually in a VERY small circle of “elites”.less bellyachin and more backsweat i say,in whatever way is best for YOU to combat it.or else,enjoy the show…
Yokai

on another note-there’s power in OWNERSHIP.ever notice in foreign affluent neighborhoods how the police send russian,chinese,or japanese cops into the area?it shows that the said place is tight knit,and the entry to such places can only be done by those that know/respect(to a degree,they are cops,lol) the dynamics of the culture.once we respect ourselves,neighborhoods,and each other,we can expand from there to image.
Ruell

My open
letter to Erin Harper, I am neither pleased nor amused by the antics of some of
the women on Basketball wives (or ex-girlfriends of ballers). Yet the criticism
YOU displayed perpetuates the negativity of our culture. I cannot blame an
entire race of people, the media, or the school house for what our children
manifest themselves to be. Parents are the first role models, the first
teachers, and set the foundation for which their children should build upon. As
a single mother, I was honest with my children and told them I love them yet I
conceived them in the wrong manner and want them to live according to God’s
plan and his design for their lives. Am I perfect, no and allow my errors to be
teaching moments for my children. I set educational goals for my children from
birth: anything less than 85 is unacceptable and I am being generous with the
85, I have 2 gifted and been on the honor roll since kindergarten (they are 16
and 11). I have another 11 year old (yes they are twins) who has missed it by a
point or two for the last 2 years because she is not as studious as her
brother. Why am I saying this? I am sharing this because WE AS PARENTS lay and
set the foundation for our children. I keep the fear of God in my children, we
go to church and they have church in them because I chose to let the cycle end
with me. WE have the power to change the direction our young people choose to
follow by leading in the right direction. Stop blaming social media, the media, society for all that is “wrong” with our culture, WE have the power to turn it off or block those things we feel are influential and inappropiate to our children. My kids do not live under a rock, they know right from wrong and what my expectations are, trust me if they do something wrong, they would rather face whatever consequences with someone other than me. Ms. Harper, WE have to be part of the solution
and not instigators to the problem.
Forever-E-Brant Inc.

Erin! I know I’m late on this, but you made me laugh out loud! I LOVE this letter. It’s written thoughtfully…and the undercutting jabs are priceless. What a helluva way to gotdamn wake up!
Lakergyrl73

Very well written & I concur w/ your views. Thank you for speaking up & calling an ace an ace. These ‘reality’ shows are ruining the esteem of our youth. It’s not reality #1. Sad that our African-American youth have these images as ‘role models’. No self-respect or esteem. That’s heartbreaking. And for those who would suggest that they should be taught by their parents those foundational things, I dare you to poll your local schools & ask these girls who/what influences them. Let’s wake up people & stand up for our future generations. They are much more than video vixens, housewives, basketball wives, football wives, bachelorette contestant, or the next conquest of Flavor Flav. As the 3rd sister of 4 in a female dominant family, I’ve seen a LOT of female foolishness. I waste no time educating my 2 son’s on how a respectable young lady should carry herself. The examples are few & far between & certainly not on TV. Be better on 3. 1,2,3 BE BETTER!
Gscott1123

I do agree with the soon to be Dr…..however the tone from the article is bound to reap more side effect than benefit. We must keep in mind when calling someone on something , it should be done in a firm, but loving manner to be effective.
http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

I just read your open letter with comprehension. I agree that negative images and volatile behavior of women, especially women of color, on reality shows are far-reaching. But, do you recall the reason she said the show was created–to give those women a chance to express their angst! It was NEVER about uplifting or empowering the masses/viewers–or anything near it. It was about a show idea that, in order to be worth Vh1′s time, needed to make money for advertisers.
But, above all that! Do you really understand what I just said about Shaunie’s premise of the show–expressing angst. Well, Shaunie was the main one who was expressing her angst. She was dogged by Shaq to the Nth degree–and we do not even know the beginning of it. For her to create that show, it MUST be understood that she was messed up emotionally and was enraged (and still is messed up!). So much so that she unleashed it out on ALL women saying–can I get a witness! (But, she does so vicariously through the cast members, very sly).
We know that most (not all) Black women, and other women of color, know about being treated like trash by men, not only in intimate relationships, but by men in their families, etc., due to rape, incest, abuse, for example. Again, it was about Shaunie unleashing her rage and angst–and getting paid in the process. Oh, Shaunie’s Basketball Wives Show is not life imitating art–It is the real raw deal of art imitating life. However, there is talk about how that reality show executives insist on adding rigged drama to hype the story for the sake of ratings and earning power.
I have a major in women’s studies and a masters in professional counseling–to us in the field we understand the situation from moral, social, cultural, and ethical perspectives, and how such behavior has far-reaching impact on the masses. In contrast, it is less of those concerns for the creators, producers, and advertisers of such shows. Also, a major component to remember–we live in a egoistical society. Most (not all) people are self-centered and concerned about their feelings, issues, thoughts, and opinions. But, I understand your point–why continue to put it out there, especially once researched feedback is given? Your letter is basically asking her to stop the hype, violence and drama, when vh1 is saying we need all the hype in order to amass the money for advertisers and the ratings from the viewers. Advertisers want sales and that is how Vh1 and the cast members get paid. They want viewers to buy their products. Do you remember learning about what television really is about–advertising. The programs are really the intermissions and attention grabbers–to keep the viewers looking at commercial advertisements.
This is a complex moral and ethical issue that is rapped up in money and hustling. In the end–the position of the media is–the viewer will decide what to watch, but those who do decide to view will be sold hard. I think Shaunie should put a limit on her franchise endeavor–meaning only allowing it for several seasons, then do something else (more positive) to make money and express herself.
Darcnvader

The show is WACK, a bunch of bitches attached by the most meager threads (except for Shaunie, who actually WAS a Basketball WIFE) acting like the shit they are doing really matters. Only a FOOL would allow his wife on that garbage. The show is not a representation of Black women, it’s a representation of Saditty Bitches, clowning for the camera, while $haunie gets PAID!
http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

they cut my post!
http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

I just read your open letter with comprehension. I agree that negative images and volatile behavior of women, especially women of color, on reality shows are far-reaching. But, do you recall the reason she said the show was created–to give those women a chance to express their angst! It was NEVER about uplifting or empowering the masses/viewers–or anything near it. It was about a show idea that, in order to be worth Vh1′s time, needed to make money for advertisers.
But, above all that! Do you really understand what I just said about Shaunie’s premise of the show–expressing angst. Well, Shaunie was the main one who was expressing her angst. She was dogged by Shaq to the Nth degree–and we do not even know the beginning of it. For her to create that show, it MUST be understood that she was messed up emotionally and was enraged (and still is messed up!). So much so that she unleashed it out on ALL women saying–can I get a witness! (But, she does so vicariously through the cast members, very sly).
We know that most (not all) Black women, and other women of color, know about being treated like trash by men, not only in intimate relationships, but by men in their families, etc., due to rape, incest, abuse, for example. Again, it was about Shaunie unleashing her rage and angst–and getting paid in the process. Oh, Shaunie’s Basketball Wives Show is not life imitating art–It is the real raw deal of art imitating life. However, there is talk about how that reality show executives insist on adding rigged drama to hype the story for the sake of ratings and earning power.
I have a major in women’s studies and a masters in professional counseling–to us in the field we understand the situation from moral, social, cultural, and ethical perspectives, and how such behavior has far-reaching impact on the masses. In contrast, it is less of those concerns for the creators, producers, and advertisers of such shows. Also, a major component to remember–we live in a egoistical society. Most (not all) people are self-centered and concerned about their feelings, issues, thoughts, and opinions. But, I understand your point–why continue to put it out there, especially once researched feedback is given? Your letter is basically asking her to stop the hype, violence and drama, when vh1 is saying we need all the hype in order to amass the money for advertisers and the ratings from the viewers. Advertisers want sales and that is how Vh1 and the cast members get paid. They want viewers to buy their products. Do you remember learning about what television really is about–advertising. The programs are really the intermissions and attention grabbers–to keep the viewers looking at commercial advertisements.

This is a complex moral and ethical issue that is rapped up in money and hustling. In the end–the position of the media is–the viewer will decide what to watch, but those who do decide to view will be sold hard. I think Shaunie should put a limit on her franchise endeavor–meaning only allowing it for several seasons, then do something else (more positive) to make money and express herself.

http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

this is an intellectual and decent response. why would it be cut?

http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

why does my articles keep getting cut
http://twitter.com/kekemichel KM BrandLiving

the numbers on this post are inflated for some reason.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VF377D5TNNBDN6Q5H7XEPP5SBY Cynthia

Erin, What a wonderful article I think both basketball shows should be cancelled!!
Tashahsk2

I’m so glad that alot of us see the big picture. I feel the same way I use to have so much respect for Shaunie until I watched her on the show. She pretends to be the peace maker lets all just live fab and get along, when in all reality she is the mixing up the drama bowl. I know Shaunie wants her own idenity from Shaq, but there’s other avenues you can take to achieve those goals. Yes I thinks she should try to take the show in another direction.
J_Botts

I think I love you Erin Harper. Let’s promote the image of that in the most positive way possible. Get at me. Diddy has my number.
Anonymous

Erin, I salute your thought-filled, honest, and truth-filled letter and I hope that it moves Shaunie to reevalute the opportunity to make a positive change.
Pomw

Great Job!!!