by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Your Black World.
Many of you saw the episode in which Judge Greg Mathis publicly undressed a deadbeat dad in the courtroom. The man was a rapper called “The Gingerbread Man,” whose rap lyrics say, “Catch me if you can.” He had nine children, with five mothers and another on the way.
Judge Mathis told the man that people like him are the number one problem in the black community, and that there is no excuse for a man to not be able to provide for his children. Mathis also mentioned the long-term repercussions of a father not being there for his kids, and would barely let the man finish a sentence. In light of the recent case of Tania R. Coleman, the mother who allegedly put her starved one-year old child in a trash can, we can certainly see Mathis’ point: Our children certainly need to be protected by their fathers.
The man, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have a clue. He seemed to believe that building his hip-hop label was the key to his success (imagine that…a black male who wants to be a rapper, how unique). He said that he was in school taking 12 credit hours of classes. He mentioned that he used the money from his last album’s sales to “break off” something for all of his children’s mothers. He appeared to be trying in the best way he knew how, or at least trying hard enough that he was satisfied with himself.
Clearly, Mathis is correct to challenge the young man’s thinking and to criticize him the way that he did. But the question that must be asked is whether or not Mathis’ approach was sufficiently thorough to modify the Ginger Bread Man’s behavior and the behavior of men just like him. Personally, I also wonder if additional education on the responsibilities of fatherhood would be helpful, since it appears that the young man was never raised to understand the expectations that come along with being a dad. If the men in his life weren’t taking care of their kids, then it’s easy to see why the Ginger Bread Man missed the Responsible Daddy Boat.
There is also an interesting divide that is caused by God and Mother Nature. While the bond between mother and child occurs naturally at birth (due to the way Oxytocin flows through the brain during pregnancy and delivery), the bond between father and child must either occur independently after the child is born or be supported by a value system that leads the father to believe that it’s important for him to be involved in the child’s life. So, while we can reference days when fathers always provided for their children without regard to financial circumstances, we must also remember that this was a time when marriages rarely ended in divorce, kids were almost never born out of wedlock and men were raised with fathers in their own homes. If the relationship ends before the child is born or while the child is young, a fatherless young man without an adequately structured value system can be easily duped into thinking that it’s not his job to raise the babies.
Many of our readers also stated that the mothers of these children should be confronted as well. Some might wonder why a woman would choose to share her body with a man who has not proven that he is responsible enough to provide for children. If he’s not taking care of his own kids, he’s probably not going to take care of yours either. Also, getting to know someone before sleeping with them might be a good idea, since people seem to forget that hot sex after a night at the club or the random booty call can lead to dealing with a loser for the next 18 years of your life. But then again, almost nothing about love is rational, so Cupid’s arrow is hard to avoid.
The conversation I have with Towanna Freeman is below. We talk about some of these issues, and share what I call a “Manhood Mandate,” which reminds all of us to challenge men to step up to the plate on fatherhood without making excuses. If you have a brother, boyfriend, best friend or child who isn’t doing their job as a father, you should feel compelled to challenge and even ostracize this man for what he’s doing to his children. Additionally, we must all challenge ourselves to confront systemic structures which keep black men at the bottom of the pile when it comes to employment opportunities, educational access and mass incarceration. If we don’t approach the issue from a well-rounded perspective, we are always going to be frustrated.
The conversation with Dr. Freeman is below:
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and founder of the Your Black World Coalition. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.
